What to Do When Your Teen Refuses Therapy

What to Do When Your Teen Refuses Therapy

When your teen refuses therapy, it can be scary and confusing. As a parent, you want to help, but you may not know where to start. Your teen may be dealing with stress, depression, or other mental health problems but still say “no” to help. That’s okay. Many teens feel scared, angry, or unsure when it comes to talking with a therapist. This guide will help you understand the reasons behind their actions and how you can support them with hope, care, and patience.

Why Some Teens Say No to Therapy

Teens may worry that others, like friends, school counselors, or even siblings, will think they’re “crazy” or “weak.” These fears may come from the internet, peer pressure, or even things they’ve heard at school. They need to know therapy is a safe space, not a place for judgment.

Not Understanding Therapy

Many teens don’t know what therapy really is. They may not know it can help with anxiety, depression, eating problems, panic, or insomnia. Some think it’s only for people who are “broken.” Help your teen understand that therapy is for anyone who wants to feel better.

Feeling Out of Control

Teens often want more control in their lives. Being told to go to therapy may feel like someone is making choices for them. When a teen feels like they aren’t in charge, they may refuse just to take back control.

What Parents Can Do

Stay Calm and Open

Try not to yell or show anger. Instead, use a soft tone and listen. Let your teen know you care. Say things like, “I noticed you seem sad lately. I’d like to talk.”

Start a Conversation

Ask open-ended questions that don’t feel like pressure. Try:

• “What do you think about therapy?”

• “Have you ever talked to someone about how you feel?”

• “What would make you feel safe?”

Use this time to build rapport and trust. Let your teen feel they are being heard.

Explain the Purpose

Share that therapy is a tool to feel better. Just like going to a physician for a broken arm, they can talk to a mental health professional to help their mind heal. Therapy can help with things like:

• Substance abuse

• Suicidal ideation

• ADHD or oppositional defiant disorder

• Mood swings or bipolar disorder

• Trouble with eating or sleeping

Give Them Choices

Let your teen pick their therapist, the time, or even if they want to try online therapy. Giving choices helps them feel in charge. Ask if they want to see a school counselor, a therapist at a university, or try therapy through the internet.

Be Patient, Not Pushy

If your teen refuses therapy, don’t give up. Pushing too hard can make things worse. Instead, keep offering support. Remind them therapy is always an option and you’re here when they’re ready.

Share Positive Stories

Tell them about people (you or others) who’ve had good experiences with therapy. This gives them insight and can break the fear. You can also find videos or stories online that show how therapy helps with anger management, addiction, or depression.

Connect Therapy to Their Goals

Talk about your teen’s goals. Maybe they want better grades, more motivation, or to stop feeling so much worry or pain. Let them know therapy can help. Say, “If you’re feeling stuck, a therapist can help you figure things out.”

When Things Are More Serious

Watch for Signs of Danger

If your teen talks about suicidal thoughts, violence, or shows signs of substance abuse or alcohol use, get help right away. Call a physician, a crisis line, or visit the ER. Don’t wait.

Understand Underlying Issues

Teens may be hiding episodes of depression, abuse, or trauma from a sibling, peer group, or even past religion-based pressure. Be mindful. A trained therapist or health care expert can uncover deep-rooted pain.

Dealing With Specific Teen Problems

ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression

These are common issues. Teens with ADHD anxiety or feeling depressed may act out, cry, or stay in their room. They may struggle with screen time, motivation, or irritability. They may not understand why they feel this way, which can lead to aggression or mood swings.

Gender Identity and Bias

Some teens don’t trust therapy due to past bias or fear of not being accepted for their gender identity. Find a therapist who respects and affirms all identities. Look for someone trained in inclusive care.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

This is when teens say “no” to everything and challenge all rules. These teens may need very direct, structured support. A family therapist may help by creating a contract of behavior that works for everyone.

Talk to a School Counselor

A school counselor is a great first step. They know your teen’s peer group, grades, and school life. They can offer support and suggest next steps if therapy is needed.

Use Insurance to Find Help

If cost is a concern, contact your insurance provider. Many cover therapy, and some offer free options. Look for in-network mental health professionals near you.

Try Couples or Family Therapy

Sometimes, it’s not just the teen who needs support. Couples therapy or family therapy helps the whole family talk, heal, and grow. This can help your teen feel less alone and more understood.

Use the Internet the Right Way

Teens are online all the time. Use the internet to your advantage. Share helpful videos, mental health pages, or apps that guide coping tools. You can even ask your teen to look up a few therapists they might like.

Offer a Message of Hope

Let your teen know you love them, no matter what. Remind them that help is always out there. Share this message:

“It’s okay to feel lost. There is always a way to feel better. You’re not alone.”